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Posted by J Raymond Redbourne on November 17, 2002 20:16:38 UTC

Taking something like Forbidden Fruit out of context, could easily result in bizarre ad hoc theories.

So here is a bizarre umbrella theory first.

One "day" the Great One-God of All that Is, grew tired of the loneliness and the hair He was creating on His palm, so He decided to go out to a Singles' Dance for Parents Without Partners, in a neigbouring universe.

Leaving the Garden and His little children unattended, He took off.

Unfortunately there is a gap in the record here, as to His actual whereabouts and actions. It seems to be an intentional omission or perhaps even erasure, as even the Akashic Records are silent. Or at least Access Denied.

Upon return, this omniscient, omnipresent Being shouts, "Right now, What's going on here?"

"It was the woman, Lord!!" cried the cowardly Adam, momentarily forgetting the name of his lover, the only woman in existence, and the one who took advantage of his great benevolence as an organ donor while still alive.

I mean the rib,...OK?

A good move, but too little, too late.

"Well", says He, "Now they know it all...like any teenager. And if they get into the Tree of Life, they'll live forever, like Us. Patience yeah, but I don't think I could handle them being around the house that long."

"If you don't want to live under My Rules, then you don't get to live under My Roof!!", He bellowed, as only a God can bellow.

So He kicked them out, after first thinking up some applicable curses to applick. And not having a dog to kick, he kicked His pet snake instead,... or so His Grand Omniscience thought.

His date for the evening said "What do You mean 'like us', O Great White Male God?", and left to start a career as the Matron Saint of Unwed Mothers. (source: unexpurged edition).

The hair on His Palm had a five o'clock shadow by now, and promissed whisker burn, with this latest turn of events.

So in a rage, He changed the locks on the gate to the Garden, and put up an electric fence, so the little beasties could not sneak back in.

This would be the end of it all, except for God and Satan's pleasure in blood sports and burning little humans with magnifying lenses.

Hell hath no fury like a dick denied.

And for a little psychological torture, He invented the Great End to the horrors He creates in the Final Apocalypse.

The end of course, is always receding just out of reach. But sure looks this time, like it'll really come before this generation passes away.

He created desert mirages too, but that was just a bit of absent minded doodling. Then they worked so well, He decided to keep them.

So now that we know the Truth of the matter, it should not be difficult to see where Forbidden Fruit fits in.

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