I think there's one possibility you overlook. What if you are God? Not the God of the universe, but the God of your own life, the only God you can possibly become aware of? That would make God intelligent, caring, personal, and best of all, absolutely real, more real than anything in this world.
In a sense that's what Buddhism teaches. You are the Buddha, all you have to do to attain salvation is realize your own divinity. I don't think Buddhists are atheist, rather their understanding of God is so far superior to the Christian approach that they find the word God doesn't quite convey it. That's what I gather from it anyway.
By the way, have you seen a Japanese movie called After Life? I had a marvellous insight after watching it: we all live multiple lives, every single day is one of them. The karmic cycle consists of falling asleep and waking up in the same inferior reality, doing the same things over and over and over, failing to realize the world of dreams is a far better place to exist. When you do realize your divine nature, you realize the world is a creation of your mind and you no longer want to return to this reality. From the point of view of this reality you fell asleep and never woke up again. From your own point of view, you attained liberation.
Those religious metaphors may be less metaphorical than they seem...