The First Law of Philosophy
For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy
They're both wrong.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his first job?
A: "Would you like french fries with that, sir?"
What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
About 50,000 a year
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
D: The answer is in my 200-page, 500-equation paper, but don't bother reading it - you won't understand it anyway
H: Give me a minute... I'm still looking it up
M: Who said it needs to be changed? And who said philosophers should do it? And what is exactly the point of your question? And...
A: The answer to that question, as well as to any other question, is to be found in the probabilities of pattern-relationships given by the law of non-contradiction, except in the cases when I contradict myself
A: I don't know the answer, but I do know that all of the above are wrong
I think I'm finally seeing the light... oh... wow... my God... oh my God! I didn't know! I couldn't know! How beautiful!!!