See if you can slip on something uncomfortable. This might well be a welcome mat. If you were already wearing one at your abduction that would explain a lot.

Next time wear your clothes inside out. Our ancestors never used to wear labels outside their vests. They never used to get abducted either.

Also, are you wearing clean underpants? Sorry it's been so long but I thought it best to wait a few years before replying. I hope the jump you had brought you to this message.

Your fellow traveller in the stream of time.

Mike.

PS. Also clean socks.