that there is much risk of that worry, at least from my perspective (the " I'm afraid I'll become religious without a reason to." you don't seem to be the gullible/follower type; i think it's called discretion/maturity? but is there really harm in following your heart to where you 'hear' the truth calling you, one step at a time? a person with faculties is not a fool. don't enter with a fear of the religion. or any fear, for that matter. what's there to be afraid of? you're only as deeply committed as you choose to be, esp. cuz you don't lend a long ear to folly/propaganda.

i don't quite understand your "I'm trying to find one to justify it."

Re: faith/science being mutually exclusive, depends on perspective again. i find them mutually agreeable. i don't know if you've seen my previous post elsewhere: if the definition of science follows that it is the ongoing study, measurement and exploration of all realms of things within grasp - and if God is the MAKER of all the stuff, then doesn't it follow that the more we know about what he made the more we'll discover about him? and sometimes when reading the bible science stuff pops up out of nowhere to make a person think of how/why things might work as they do. he's very logical - you need structure and processes to carry on your creation, so engineering takes logic. you've got the makings of a relationship, and the mind to explore the proofs therein. you won't be left out in the cold. I have a microbiologist friend who also was 'demanding' in his conditions for faith. to hear tell, every day at work he sees more and more of the handiwork, and it fascinates him all the more. belief is not an obligation to stop studying science; it may be all the more an imperative to use those skills/talents that were developed in you. you may find your studies/work more invigorating, one thing leading to another even more quickly. who knows?

"how do you know it isn't hollow pleasure, like shutting your eyes to avoid seeing something and claiming it isn't there."? a relationship with your maker is like a marriage. you don't enter in cuz you want wine and roses all the time. it's not until someone taints your wine with vinegar and puts potash on the roses that you find out that it's an abiding partnership, not just a warm fuzzy. i've been through a little. even when i was wiping up some of the blood from the murders,i kinda just had to shake my head cuz it was like 'i wonder how many people could do this without going right straight out of their minds'. it sucked, yes. but i preferred to have been the one, instead of my little brother or my more squeamish sisters. perhaps the childhood years of watching horror movies, and later thinking nothing of butchering a deer or turkey or rabbit found a surer 'purpose' that was greater than the task at hand. like bootcamp in the nonbelief days to prepare me for trials in the belief times? i don't know everything, and i've only really really believed for the past 10 of my 38 years (aside from my teens when i had the warm fuzzy belief without the firey forging into my being).