re: 'something IS there. It isn't faith, really.'
yes, hon, 'really' - that IS what faith is, however large or small there's a sense that there's more than meets the eye. choosing to pursue more info or not doesn't change that 'intuition'.
i don't know if you wear glasses, and i think i can safely assume by your name that you're a guy. (nothing against guys, i love some myself). BUT. when it comes to 'looking' for SOME stuff, that effort is usually limited to a perfunctory glance in the direction of its likely location, and for SOME odd reason there's a hesitance to lift a single piece of paper or open a cupboard door to reveal what a guy seeks. with glasses, sometimes they'll have them on top of their heads or hanging off the neck of their shirt and be looking for them. (i'm trying to be funny here, not mock you or any other guys, really).
i may be wrong, but after 'conversing' with you awhile, it APPEARS to me that the lenses you're looking for are already hanging right over your heart. you needn't look anywhere but in there. your questions sound like responses to the 'soft whisper' you already 'hear' in the language only the heart knows how to speak, and that only the creator and created can interpret betwixt themselves. that's what a relationship is about. it's not about religion. there is no 'wrong' about it, no 'shot in the dark'. because for those who seek the truth and purity of knowledge, the wiser they become and more able to discern what's 'off' and what's 'on' when it comes to different 'teachings' that inevitably find their way to us, some of them like bad tv commercials. :) he doesn't force us plants out of our pots when we need to be moved for our own good; he lets us know how/when/where to move what we've been rooted in, and gives the strength to do so when we admit time is right/we're ready to trust. and if you find yourself wanting to extract all your roots at once to move to the better pot, then it'll probably go great and exciting - though i don't think i know anyone who's THAT wise and insightful and energetic. but, i don't get out much, and it may be you who 'surprise' me! i might be wrong. but there it is - take it with a pound of salt, or take it not at all. i just wonder if you've already 'found' your prize and are only just about to discover that fact. he's always been inside us, but sometimes we keep liking to look OUTside of ourselves for him only. OK!!! wake up i'm signing off here! haha