when you said, "I WANT TO BE MISERABLE because that's when I become most aware; true happiness isn't like ha ha it's like an inner calm.":
a) I was JUST YESTERDAY (odd, huh?) observing that there was a simplicity in misery/deprivation which allowed a certain stillness in which to reflect ('become most aware', like you say). I relish the clarity of thought, also, and have found that (with the vanishing of a VARIETY of unpleasant circumstances), suddenly there is ANOTHER type of stillness. But a VIBRANT, energized, 'inner calm', like taking in a HUGE gulp of air after being submerged almost to the point of death. There is a great deal of awareness and, with it, an actual 'haha' sort of happiness, the inner joy like a formerly captive animal released from a cramped cage after years, realizing the dreams he dreamt of freedom actually were coming true, and the CHOICE of awarenesses is there instead of the IMPOSED awareness.

er, i really hope i illustrated this accurately. as you well know, it's tricky to put into words and I didn't want to get lengthier than needed, or nauseating in flowery talk...i do look forward to your response, equation...

• Re: I wonder - equation - December 16, 2000 - 22:16 UTC
  • Re: Re: I wonder - gwynj - December 16, 2000 - 22:38 UTC
    • You all amaze me - jisbond - December 17, 2000 - 07:36 UTC
      • Re: You all amaze me - gwynj - December 17, 2000 - 23:59 UTC
        • Re: You all amaze me!!! - jisbond - December 18, 2000 - 05:55 UTC