Confusion exists, that is the whole philosophy behind the agnostic, and skeptics say we can never know anything for certain. I guess I have a trace of both, but ultimately I believe we can overcome the confusion, and this demands true knowledge of many aspects of the universe which are real and verifiable, our senses can do this.
I do not believe in a higher power which created all things, nor do I align myself with the theology of religion which professes peace and love and goodwill toward others and then dictates how this must be done, as if they know the truth.
As far as order in the universe, I am unconvinced that it is anything more than chance within the confines of natural laws, and am happy to have had the chance to exist as I am.
As far as giving my mother a break, I do, it is her choice to believe as she does, I only wish she would give me a break and stop theologizing.
I forgive myself, others need to be forgiven by something other than themselves, and if that is what works for them, great, just don`t force it on me and condemn for not following thier ways.
As far as just asking, what is it I need to ask for?