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Posted by Harvey on July 9, 2003 21:25:33 UTC

Hi Kyle,

Although I think you made some great points regarding special needs and circumstances, what is the threshold that defines "special circumstances"? I also experienced some trauma in life, and a few bad things happened to me-- am I now eligible for receiving a corresponding amount of special treatment too?

Absolutely. If it affects how you relate to others, and it is found that it is better to relate to you in light of the trauma, then by all means people should consider it. To whom much has been given, much will be expected. To whom little is given, little will be expected. This is the appropriate way to deal with everything from tax law to personal relations. Equality issues is the norm, but 'special conditions' is more or less the exception. Exceptions should be considered on a case by case situation.

Yaniru went through a major breakup in his last marriage I believe, so should he be able to redeem such trauma for 'special treatment' status? Should we earn special treatment credits commensurate with the pain we've experienced in life?

If the case by case situation requires it.

I lean towards the 'tough love' approach and the 'treat everyone equally' approach as opposed to the 'unconditional love' approach. If the greatest motivators of human behavior are reward and punishment, then any society should balance the carrot and the stick, as the behavior warrants. I think Mike can accept criticism and that criticism could possibly benefit him, so long as it's levied without contempt. There can still be 'punishment' in the context of unconditional love, just ask any parent. Without it, aren't you simply spoiling your kid?

You can't spoil an infant is the classic line of childraising. You can spoil a young child, but that's only after they've learned how to manipulate the system. Some people are not out to manipulate others for sympathy and an uncritical accessment of them, they simply have higher needs of acceptance than others. You have to treat each situation case by case. Sometimes tough love is beneficial and should be tried early on, but if tough love backfires, then its probably a signal that tough love is only making the situation worse. You might be dealing with an 'infant' who just needs hands on care.

That said, there is one sobering point that you made which didn't occur to me before in any serious way. If someone has the potential to seriously lose it and 'go postal', then I wouldn't want any forum members' names to be on said person's 'list'. If you think someone has the potential to drive around the country tracking down perceived 'enemies', then okay, we should all be nice.

I didn't mean to even suggest that. What I'm saying is that these instances develop from a lack of discernment by those who are often too critical to their classmates, working peers, etc. The way to deal with any situation is not to guess how far can you go, the way to deal with it is how much can you help someone. The idea of someone going postal is very, very rare (thank God), but I cannot even imagine why someone would only back off in those extreme circumstances. Backing off happens not because you fear, but because you care.

If you were obliquely warning people in that regard, then your caution is probably prudent.

No way. There's no warning implied or hidden. It is my view at face value. I originally didn't approach things this way because I was adjusting to the situation. After I adjusted I realized that harmony can be found in other ways. I just think its the best way, so I thought I would share it with others. Of course, there's no reason not to take this approach since we lose nothing, and we only are able to provide a better exchanging atmosphere.

Just my opinion!!!

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