"What do you think of in the moments of death and after death to your consience?"
We all love to entertain thoughts of personal immortality and entry into a perfect world after enduring the myraid imperfections of this one. Our survival instinct and sense of self-importance bar most of our species from seriously considering the possibility of the finality of physical death and our solitude in this universe. Pleasant as such thought may be, the basis of our worldview should not be based on the degree to which we cherish the possibility, no matter how unlikely. Belief based on emotion is belief subjective and prone to error.
"I do believe in God and that he has taken care of my "after death" situation..."
I truly believe that few people have a decent understanding of what "eternity" means. Don't you think you'd get bored after the first eight hundred billion years or so? Get tired of playing poker with the guys for the trillionth time and just want to call it a night? In many ways, eternal existence is a more horrible end than ceasing to be. Eventually the novelty wears out, and the only thing to look forward to is an infinity of boredom.
"To me, not knowing what would happen is a scary thought."
The thing is, no one knows. You just don't know you don't know.
Yes! in the sea of life enisled,
With echoing straits between us thrown,
Dotting the shoreless watery wild,
We mortal millions live alone.
The islands feel the enclasping flow,
And then their endless bounds they know.
Who ordered that their longing's fire
Should be, as soon as kindled, cooled?
Who renders vain their deep desire? -
A God; a God their severance ruled,
And bade between their shores to be
The unplumbed, salt, estranging sea.
-Matthew Arnold, Isolation
I'm feeling a bit poetic today.... :)