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God And Science Jokes From Books

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Posted by Whittier on July 1, 2002 05:47:24 UTC

Quotes borrowed from _Crazy Wisdom_ by Wes Nisker:

"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The evolution of the brain not only overshot the needs of
prehistoric man; it is the only example of evolution providing a species with an organ wich it does not know how to use."
-- Arthur Koestler

"Most of the propositions and questions to be found in philosophical works are not false but nonsensical."
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Quotes borrowed from _Women's Lip_ edited by Roz Warren:

"I try to fill the emptiness deep inside me with Cheetos, but I am still depressed. Only now my fingers are stained orange. I am blue. And I am orange."
-- Karen Salmansohn

"Juries scare me. I don't want to put my fate in the hands of twelve peope who weren't even smart enough to get out of jury duty."
-- Monica Piper

"I've been having kind of a difficult Inner Child threw up on my Higher Power."
-- Lynn Lawner

from Life on the Mississippi:
"Uncle Mumford said that Cape Girardeau was the Athens of Mssouri and contained several colleges..... all of them on a religions basis of one kind or another. He directed my attention to what he called the "strong and pervasisve religious look of the town," but I could not see that it looked more religious than the other hill towns with the same slope and built of the same kind of bricks. Partialities often make people see more than is there."
-- Mark Twain, 1883
in Life on the Mississippi

From the Viking Book of Aphorisms
edited by W.H Auden and Louis Kronenberger:

"A crystal lacks rhythm from excess of pattern, while a fog is unrhythmic in that it exhibits a patternless confusion of detail."
-- Alfred North Whitehead

"It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions."
-- T.H. Huxley

"Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that."
-- Erich Heller

"I do not greatly care whether I have been right or wrong on any point, but I care a good deal about knowing which of the two I have been."
-- Samuel Butler

From The Book of Predictions, 1980,
by David Wallechinsky, Amy Wallace and Irving Wallace
(Predictions by various persons in 1980 for the year shown):
2000 -- You will be able to walk across the Atlantic Ocean.
2001 -- Earth will be admitted to the Interstellar Federation. We will receive the aliens' assistance in develping new technologies and mental abilities, ushering in a Golden Age for humanity.
2010 -- The Soviet Union will attempt to change its past with scientific information carried by tachyons (which are) particles that move backward in time.

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