I'd appreciate any help finding answers to these 3 issues. Searching the web hasn't helped...

I see references to a black hole (bh) growing in mass. As an example there is some panic that tiny, a stationary bh may form in a super-collider, and then collect mass until it devours the planet. But shouldn't a bh always be the same size? Time should have stopped for the bh from our view point, so every bh in the universe should be as it originally formed. Mass will collect around the bh but will never reach the bh itself due to time dilation. All bh should be exactly as they were initially formed, with no changes of any kind, not even a change in location, direction, or speed....

Another issue I have is with the singularity theory. There is no gravity at the center of an object, at least not in any particular direction. So as soon as an object reached singularity status the force of gravity inward would vanish and the bh should expand slightly. There might even be an oscillation of some kind as the original mass of the bh wavered between singularity and not. Which suggests the 3rd issue...

Instability. All the mass surrounding a bh should have a gravitational effect on the hole itself. The center of gravity of the entire mess should be in constant motion which would seem to cause a great deal of turmoil in around and through the bh. Gravity is obviously the one thing that CAN escape a bh, so it would seem that gravity from outside would also have free access to all parts of a bh, even inside the event horizon. If that were not the case a bh might drift away from it's parent galaxy as an example. The gravity of the mass surrounding a bh has an effect on the bh, and gravity is said to travel at C, so is the speed of gravity affected by time dilation from another gravity field? It seems it would HAVE to be as the passage of time at the bh is stopped and the passage of time for massive objects around it is moving at a brisk pace relatively speaking. If time has stopped for a bh then motion should be stopped also, and that would suggest that outside gravitational forces should have no effect on it, which does not seem to be the case. Regardless, the gravity field in, on, or around a black hole should be very unstable, very powerful, and very much in turmoil.

Thanks, if anyone knows where I might find a discussion of these points I'd appreciate it.