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Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear To Tread?

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Posted by M.W.Pearson on November 25, 2002 20:33:32 UTC

Apparently there are not many "fools" who would
risk discussing the topics in this thread from a scientific/theological standpoint.
I agree the issue is charged with danger and
potential for distortion or misuse. Yet is it
not the business of science and God/God and science to risk honest communication?
Or am I just alone in a "funny room," cut off
from the Real God and Science forum.

Perhaps we could use the following model for
discussing it metaphorically -- using a joke that has been circulating.
We could make up jokes about
"fundamentalist Islam Cow theory of government"
"Multinational Oil Company Cow theory of government"
"Wahabbian Islam Cow theory of government
"U.N. military coalition Cow theory of government"
"'Baath Party of Iraq' Cow theory of government"
"'Ancient Culture Hearth Iraq' cow theory of government"
"Developing Countries Cow theory of government."
"Christian fundamentalist Cow theory of government"
"Right wing radio talk show host Cow theory of government."
"Innocent civilian bystanders Cow theory of government"
"Peace movement Cow theory of government"
"Dedicated military service persons Cow theory of government"
"Cautious onlookers Cow theory of government"

Subject: Cow Theory Of Government

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted
for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You
feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.


SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?


COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM - AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was
a gift from your government.


BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You
are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock
goes up.



FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.






ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have
some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3
months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really
have.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people
can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from
out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.


NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the
leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas





Subject: HU'S ON FIRST (to lighten us up a bit :-)
HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese
food in the Middle East?

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